They scolded us for not having any real hopes or real ambitions, but if we were to pursue our true ideals, would these people watch and guide us along the way?
There is no need to describe it in detail here, but it was about this time that my feeling for her suddenly changed to one of love and the bond between us deepened. The most important decision of my life lay before me. It was a time of real crisis. Some perhaps may wonder and criticize my behavior, but my affection for Elise had been strong ever since our first meeting, and now I could read in her expression sympathy for my misfortune and sadness at the prospect of parting. The way she stood there, a picture of loveliness, her hair hanging loose - I was distraught by so much suffering and powerless in the face of such enchantment.
I just want this life to be over. I’m not attention seeking, I dont have anyone to talk to. I’ve realized there is nobody in this world that truly loves me. No one will remember me when I’m gone. I’m about to graduate from uni and even that is not promising. I’ll just be stuck w a family that doesnt understand me and they dont give the love I give them. All this time, I’m doing what everyone wants me to do. I dont go outside, I dont have a social life. I’m cleaning, cooking, listening everyone’s problem. But I’m at my limit. I’m 23 and I dont have anything. I dont have beauty, luck, money, love… nothing. I havent even seen a fking sea yet, and I’ll never see it. I think I was born just to watch other people from afar. I’m just a dumb spectator that watch other people’s lives and dont even realize how much time has passed. The reason I’m still alive is because I’m simply dumb. I had hopes and dreams about If I study enough, I’d be good to go. I could earn my money and travel.I could be loved. Also I had faith in God. I thought he wouldnt let me down If I kept my beliefs. I was wrong. There is no salvation for me. I’ll be gone after graduation. Like I said, I’m not looking for anything. No one will see this post anyway.
